Thanks to the amazing Horse Radio Network's annual saddle giveaway, I recently was the very grateful winner of a new Wintec Isabell dressage saddle. This, of course, resulted in my need to explain to my husband how a free dressage saddle means I actually have to make a lot more purchases to be able to actually use my free dressage saddle. While this was begrudgingly conceded, I finally got to press the "Complete Order" button on three different websites' pending shopping carts, which was as satisfying as ever.

I am obnoxiously picky about my tack. I research and bookmark specific products' web pages long before I ever actually purchase (I'm the same way with new clothes and new doctors), which usually makes used-tack searches pretty unsuccessful since I can rarely let myself settle for anything less than the product I've decided is the perfect fit for me. This also creates nice mini financial crises when a brand suddenly announces a sale, since I've already had a cart pending for the last 6 months.

I've had these Total Saddle Fit stirrup leathers bookmarked for months, and the girth is the same one I chose for my jump saddle, just with a comfy fleece liner rather than leather. My eye has been on these MDC stirrups for a while (in the hopes that they put less stress on my crappy knee), so I posted an ISO ad for a used pair the day after confirming the saddle order. And of course, after loving the Weatherbeeta saddle pad I use for cross-country, I waited to snag their dressage pad during a very nice New Year's sale.

My obsessing at least has one upside in that I don't really have a lot of extra tack cluttering my life; if I want to upgrade something, I will usually sell the old one to help finance the new one (the only exception to this is bits and saddle pads, because obviously). As a result, my tack trunk is pretty well-organized, and I don't have a lot of extra junk floating around the tack room. I haven't yet experienced tack being so worn out it needs replacement, and I've never had tack break on me. My curly pony Prince still uses the same Dover Saddlery bridle I got for Christmas when I was 10 years old, and I'm going on 9 years with my current riding boots.

Making sure my tack lasts a long time has now evolved into one of my more present OCD obsessive thoughts. It was ingrained in me at a very young age to clean and condition my tack after every single use, and this ritual is now one of the only OCD compulsions that I don't fight, since it satisfies the previously-mentioned anxiety and there aren't really any downsides. I've always thought that this obsession stemmed from financial insecurity, but in the end, I don't know if the savings from having to replace tack every few years balances out from the initial bigger purchase of one high-quality item.

I don't share much about the OCD side of my mental health diagnoses, since I feel I've not progressed as far in my self-management on that end as I have in my physical health. I have, however, started to gain a better awareness of some of my actions, thoughts, and mental states that are likely linked to my OCD. In terms of anxiety management, I've learned all the possible coping mechanisms over the years, found several that work well for me, have recognized my triggers, and am usually able to recall and utilize good coping tactics in times of anxiety. Learning my triggers and coping mechanisms for OCD can often feel like I'm back at square 2 as a 16-year-old, trying to gain awareness of my emotional and mental health for the first time.

My OCD tends to lean more towards the obsessive than the compulsive, and while I do still see evidence of compulsive habits and tics, they are not quite as prevalent as the obsessive thoughts that can be hard to clear from my mind. I seem to have good and bad weeks, just like with my autoimmune disease, and have found so far that exercise (including riding, but also yoga, stretching, and physical therapy exercises) can be a successful diversion tactic to quiet my mind. How lucky am I that my main coping mechanism is healthy and good for me!

I've also discovered that having multiple projects in my life helps ease my obsession with needing to be multi-tasking at all times. For example, I often get pretty restless if I feel there has been a lack of productivity in my day, but can now reassure these upset feelings by simply checking my Etsy shop (which requires little to no interference from me to operate day-to-day) or reading an article to later be used for my Eventing Nation work. A task as simple as making an Etsy shop social media post can satisfy the need to be productive, as the small effort has positive effects on that project.

In the end, it's all baby steps. Granted, I hate baby steps—I, big surprise, have a tendency to be pretty impatient—but it's good for me to work through this. Keeping an awareness of how my struggles may be related to mental health issues enables me to more fully process their impact on my life and find relevant techniques to cope and thrive despite it.